"I'm terrible!" she cried, tears running down her cheeks. She was trying to put one of her doll's hair in a bun. No easy task, considering when you wrap the hair up it's bigger than the doll's head and she was using a tiny black hair band to try to secure it. Her small fingers were no match for the thick hair and small band.
I looked at her, and once again, I saw me.
I tried to think of what I could say to make her feel better, but I knew comforting words were not what she needed. What she needed was to struggle through it and figure it out on her own. I sat quietly beside her for a long time as the tears fell harder. Finally, I scooped her up and told her a story.
"Kylee, I know exactly how you feel. When I was little, I wanted to learn how to paint my own toenails so my mom gave me some polish, a paper towel to rest my foot on so the polish didn't get everywhere, and let me give it a try. And do you know what happened? I got polish all over every single one of my toes. And the paper towel. I was
terrible. And I cried. Just like you. But also just like you, I wanted to learn how to do it on my own and I didn't want anyone else's help. So I tried again. And again, I was
terrible. But my mom knew that even though I was so frustrated, I wanted to learn so badly. So she let me keep trying and finally I got better. "
I thought about my mom, and about how wise she was to let me struggle through it on my own, not hovering over me offering to help, or offering to do it for me when I wanted to give up. I'm pretty sure I got polish on the floor and she didn't say a word. She just cleaned it up and let me keep trying. She got me a q-tip and some polish remover so I could wipe off the polish that had gotten on my toes. They looked nearly perfect and my mom made me feel like I was the first ten year old who had ever painted her nails so well.
Kylee thought for a minute then grabbed the doll and tried again. And again. And again. Her frustration was at an all time high. But Kylee is better than me. She knew when to throw in the towel. She said,
"I'm going to bed now but I'll try again in the morning."
She came downstairs the next morning beaming with pride. Her doll's hair was in a perfect bun.
"Tell me the story again, Mom. The one about you learning to paint your toes." So I told her. She got a playful smile on her face.
"But I already know how to paint my toes, don't I Mom?"
Part II
She threw her Barbie halfway across the room. We'd been having a great day, just Kylee and I playing Barbies all morning while Kase slept and Kael was at school, but when Barbie's clothes kept getting stuck as Kylee tried to change them, she couldn't keep her emotions in check.
I didn't scold her. Instead, I told her another story.
"Kylee, once my dad took me golfing. It was just a par 3 course and I was playing mediocre, at best but my dad made me feel like I was an all-star. We were having a great day together- just me and him. Then, on the last hole, I needed to hit the ball across some water and I was really nervous. I thought for sure I'd hit it into the drink and lose one of my dad's golf balls. I swung, and the ball landed a couple feet away from the hole on the other side of the water! I was ecstatic. Not only did I clear the water, but all I had to do was tap the ball in! Easy birdie!! I walked up to the ball and putted it towards the hole. It was close, but it didn't go in. I was mega frustrated that I'd missed such an easy shot but I figured I could still putt it in to make par. I took a deep breath and hit the ball and missed the hole AGAIN. I was soooo mad I took my putter and slammed it into the perfectly manicured green in a temper tantrum that rivaled Happy Gilmore's putter throw. I left a divot so big that my dad must have been mortified.
(You should have seen Kylee's face at this point in the story- eyes wide, hand over her mouth, most definitely thinking, "Mom you were so naughty!")
He said nothing as he walked to his golf bag to find his divot repair tool. As he turned around he had a little bit of a smile on his face.
"Laura," he chuckled,
"You can't let your emotions get the best of you like that."
Kylee, I deserved to be scolded that day. The way I acted, my dad should have never taken me golfing again. But I learned two important things that day. One, the day wasn't about golfing at all. It was about me and my dad spending time together and I nearly ruined it with my out of line behavior. And two, there's no reason to let your emotions control your behavior. "
She's listened intently, and I know she got it. That's not to say she'll never throw Barbies again, or that she'll never slam a putter into the ground, but she got it.
And then, surprisingly, so did I. I didn't tell Kylee this part, but I learned a third thing that day that I didn't realize at the time. My dad taught me a valuable lesson in parenting. He should have tossed me in the car and given me a lecture the whole way home about how poorly I behaved. But he didn't. He had quietly fixed the divot, given me some good advice and got me out of there before I could do any more damage. :) And then, he took me out for ice cream.
Because there's
always room for ice cream, right Dad?
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