First Day

***I wrote this yesterday but wanted to post our back to school pictures first.


I sit here, on the morning of the first day of school, all alone with my thoughts.

My house is quiet- all the kids are still asleep.  I pour a cup of coffee and wait for it to get light enough to go for a run.

I'm anxious for back to school, but not in the same way as others are.  I wait with bated breath, wondering what kind of mood my Kael will wake up in this morning.  He fell asleep crying, hard, last night and I brace myself for the fact that our back to school pictures this year might very well show Kael with a scowl on his face, eyes puffy and red.

He's upset about an outfit.  Never mind that we've had his first day of school clothes picked out for nearly two weeks.  Never mind that everything is washed, set out, and ready to wear.  At 10:00 on back to school eve, he begs to wear something different that hasn't even been tried on yet, let alone washed. I firmly stand my ground.

"If I have a crummy first day of fourth grade, it's going to be your fault, Mom."

His words sting. But I'm a veteran at this mom thing by now and I understand that he's not mad at me. He doesn't really care about the clothes.

He's anxious about the first day but he doesn't have the words to express it.  He wonders which friends he will play with at recess.  He's curious about how much homework he'll have this year.  He's bummed they're down to only one recess.   He's anxious about things I haven't even had a chance to be concerned with yet.

We talked for a long time before I left his room last night. He hadn't asked for my assurance but I gave it to him anyways.  "Your fourth grade year will be as good as you make it.  I believe in you, Kael. And I believe you can make it a great one."


This morning, once I finally lace up my shoes and head out for a run, I watch the sun rise over the pond behind us and I pray that a new day will bring comfort for Kael.  The cadence of my tennis shoes hitting the sidewalk is a soothing rhythm for the worry in my heart.

I had asked him casually if he thought fourth graders still wave at their moms if their moms happen to be standing on their decks during recess.  He gave me an honest, "maybe".



***I'm happy to report, as you saw in the pictures yesterday, Kael was all smiles for the first day of school. He walked down the stairs and I gave him a cautious but cheerful, "Good morning, buddy! Happy first day of school!"  He smiled and said, "Yeah." Not a word was mentioned about the outfit or how upset he had been the night before. He went about his morning routine, indulged me in a few pictures, and walked happily with us to school.  And, as it turns out, fourth graders still wave to their moms at recess.  And I couldn't be happier about it.