Tonight Kent tucked Kylee into bed and she started crying. I started to lay down next to her and I just watched her cry for a couple minutes. Then, at the exact same moment, we each took a deep breath and leaned up on our sides with our heads resting in our hands, looking at each other. It was so simultaneous it was almost eerie. She couldn't put into words what was making her cry. She just felt sad. I hugged her, explaining that I understood and that I'd be there to listen to her cry whenever she needed me.
Kylee is me. Really, she is. I'd love to take credit for those beautiful brown eyes, but that's not what I'm talking about here. I'm preceeded by generations of Aalbers/Peters with dark brown eyes so that's not really my doing. However, I can't help but feel mostly responsible for her intense emotions. She carries the weight of the world on her shoulders.
I see myself so much in Kael too. He's hard on himself. Harder than a first grader should be. He brings home pictures he's drawn at school and says thing like, "Well it's supposed to be a leaf, but I'm not very good at drawing leaves."
I look at them, and I see me. I suppose it's not realistic of me to hope that my kids aquire only my good traits. But it's really hard to watch some of my not-so-favorite traits play out in their lives.
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