Freeze

***I started a little early spring cleaning of this blog and found a few random posts stored away in the Draft folder.  Thought I'd go ahead and share this one that I wrote nearly a full year ago!



Pregnant women should not sort through baby clothes. 

I figured it would be smart of me to start going through old tubs of clothes to see if there's much from Kael that we can reuse for baby.  Since it's a boy, and since they will be born at almost the exact same time of year I figured there would be a lot.  Thankfully, there was.  I was so proud of my ambitious attitude thinking how wonderful it will be to have all this sorted and organized before baby comes and before we (potentiall) move.  I had a 3-pile system going: one pile for stuff to reuse for baby, one pile of "keepsake" clothes, one pile of stuff to get rid of.  Unfortunately, the "get rid of" pile was the smallest. 

I decided to switch things up and start looking through Kylee's old clothes and do the same; this time just two piles: one pile of "keepsake" stuff and one pile of "get rid of" stuff.  There was almost nothing in the "get rid of" pile. I sat alone downstairs, surrouned by piles and piles of her Easter dresses, things she got her pictures taken in, and little baby jammies and I burst into tears.  I have no idea where the last seven years of my life as a mom have gone.  I look at those tiny things of Kylee's and can't believe that she's outgrown them.  In my head, she should still be my baby.  I want everything to freeze.  Actually, I'd prefer a rewind.  I want to do it all over again.  I suppose that's why we decided to have a third- because I do want to do it all over again.  I'm so excited for this next baby but at the same time I am sad because I know it will be our last.  I don't want days of baby jammies, tiny impractical shoes and baby memories all stored away in a box.  I'm not ready for it to be over yet.  I realize he's not even born yet but I'm so afraid life and the older two will keep me so busy that I'll blink and baby #3 will be 5. 

I think it was easier for me to sort Kael's clothes knowing that lots of them will be used again, but it didn't make me any less sad.  Seeing some of the things he wore when he was born and realizing that was nearly seven years ago is enough to make my cry again just writing about it.  I hope that I've cherished every second of Kael and Kylee's 7 and 4 and a half years.  I hope I open that box of keepsakes every so often and just....remember.