Kael

It wasn't my best pool day. Kylee lost her goggles in the lazy river. It was a fairly traumatic loss for her as she LOVES her goggles and we couldn't very well stop to look for them. When we got out of the lazy river, I had asked Kael to put his tube away and instead, he put it on an unsuspecting Kylee, knocking her under the water and leaving her floundering for a breath.

Later, Kael kept splashing one of his friends to the point of annoyance and avoidance, after I had JUST uttered the words, "Kael please go to the shallow part and don't touch anyone and don't splash anyone."

Next, Kael lost his one of his earplugs.

It was time to go. Kael hopped out of the pool and started grabbing at/wrestling with Kylee. "Kael! Stop touching Kylee!" I said through clenched teeth.

"Oh, sorry Mom. I keep forgetting."

He looked at me and said in a soft but very serious voice, "Mom, are you disappointed in me?"

I took a deep breath and chose my words carefully. Because sometimes, I forget too. I forget how difficult his world is. I forget that sometimes he literally cannot stop touching/grabbing people (it's a sensory thing for him). I forget that he feels a season of change coming (school is now only 6 days away) and is grasping for a sense of security. I forget that the unwritten, unexplained social rules of how to behave at a swimming pool are lost on him, even if we've been there 100 times this year. I forget that when I'm feeling frustrated, he must be feeling it tenfold. I forget that he's just a sensitive kid looking for approval. I forget that sometimes when it seems like's intentionally disobeying me, he's actually trying his hardest just to hold it together.

I relaxed a little, unclenched my teeth, and changed my perspective.

"Kael, I am a little disappointed that you splashed your friend after I told you to leave him alone and I am disappointed that you are wrestling Kylee, but you know what else I am?" He looked up at me with hopeful eyes. I continued.

"I am proud of you for being so responsible and coming to tell me when your earplug fell out so we could get a new one right away. I am so proud of you for passing your swim test on the first try! I sure haven't seen a lot of other six year old kids up there going off the high dive. I'm happy that you want to play with a friend at the pool and I promise I will continue teaching you how to be a good friend."

He was listening attentively so I pressed on.

"You didn't ask if I was mad at you, you asked if I was disappointed in you and that shows me you really understand what that means and what that feels like. That tells me you're really growing up. I might be a little disappointed in some of your actions today, but I will always love you."

He seemed satisfied with my response.

"Mom?" he said.

"Yes, Kael?" I smiled, pleased that I had gotten through to him a little bit.

"What's for supper tonight? I'm starvin'!"

What can I say? He's allll boy. ;)